What Language DO Travel Agents and Tour Operators  speak?

 

One reason for the increase in foreign travel may be the glamorous picture the tour operators’ and travel agents paint of their foreign resorts and tours.  But the language that they use is notoriously exaggerated or not what you actually thought.  Below is a guide to what the holiday brochures really mean.  You might try going through some brochures to see how often these words or phrases occur.

 

We have also included other ‘flowery’ words used in travel.

 

 

	The Climate;
	Scintillating Sun	Hot
	Sunsplashed
	Sundrenched
	The constantly smiling sun
	Warm	Hot some of the time
	There is always a pleasant breeze from the sea	There is a strong sea wind
	Mild and pleasant	have a cardigan on standby
	Temperate	wear the cardigan all the time
	Tropical	wet and dry season only
	The Hotels;
	Pleasantly furnished	Cheaply furnished
	Simply furnished
	Old established	old
	Deluxe	expensive
	Stands in an elevated position	Uphill
	Catering especially for English customs	Serves fish and chips and tea
	Cosy bar , intimate bar	Small bar
	International holiday village with individual chalets	Holiday camp
	The hotel has a private beach and charges for deck chairs and umbrellas are very reasonable	Although the hotel has a private beach, there is a charge for deck chairs and umbrellas.
	Within walking distance	A cut lunch and a compass away from most  places
	Only one block away	Our blocks are a mile long so you better be fit
	Just minutes from	If your car has a turbo booster you can get there quick
		If you have to go by bus  allow half the day
	American style  breakfast	Cup of coffee and a doughnut
	Across the street from	(in the case of say Disneyland) located about 1  mile from the actual entrance but you can just see over the fence
	Boutique Hotel	Pricey Hotel with eccentric owner
	Moderately Priced	Well I can afford it on my $60,000 a year salary!
	The Resorts;
	Possesses a permanent carnival atmosphere	Overcrowded
	Quaint	Old
	Rich in relics of bygone days	many old Buildings
	Miles of golden sand	Long Beach
	Pretty Beach	Small beach
	The shops are full of holiday souvenirs	The shop sell junk at high prices
	Internationally known resort	Exploited by every tour operator in the world
	Glorious holiday playground	Overdeveloped
	Unspoilt Quiet	primitive
	Bathing is possible from the rocks	There is no beach
	Breath taking scenery	3000 metres above sea level
	The People;
	Hospitable	Tourism is the main industry
	Friendly	The men will pinch the bottoms of lady tourists
	Proud	Unfriendly
	Frequent flier programs/Fly buy;
	Free points	The person who accepts your card pays for your points
	Redeem free travel	Take what seats we want you to have when we want you to travel and not when you actually want them
	Coach Tours;
	Most Meals included	Around 50% of all meals you’ll have to pay extra for.
	Free day	The prices here are so dear we thought we’d let you pay for it
	No extras	You’ll still have to tip the driver and guide
	Optional tours	The cost to do these things is so expensive we did not include it or you wouldn’t buy the product
	Many entries included	We’ve paid for the inexpensive entires, you pay the others
	Stylish travel bag and wallet	Thank god we don’t make clothes we’d go broke!
	Visit	Go into
	See	drive past at 100 kph or get a free look at the outside
	In General;
	Economy class	Cattle Class
	Preferred tour operator	They pay the travel agent a bonus for selling you their product ahead of a similar product even if the other product is cheaper and identical.
	Cheapest (whatever) guaranteed	We’ll sell you this cheaper but we’ll charge the same or more for the rest of your needs
	Conditions apply	The terms will favour us but not you.
	Limited seats	While there are 300 seats on the plane we have only made 2 seats available at this price
	Price competitive	As expensive as the other guy
	Seasonal Surcharge	Lots of people want to book at this time so we charge more
	As the velvet and perfumed night falls, the sweet sound of romantic guitars will entice you to gay cafe’s and night clubs where the heady music continues til dawn, when the splendid sun rises once more to herald yet another cloudless and perfect day of blossom and gaiety.	As night falls you can dance til dawn to guitar music in night clubs and cafes

 

 

If Airlines sold paint

 

 

(story recounted by AFTA General Manager Mike Hatton who attributed it to an American Colleague)

 

 

As happens to us all sooner or later the house needs repainting.  One day a householder sets out to buy paint from his local paint store.

 

Little does the unsuspecting shopper realise that the airline has just bought the store and is running it strictly on airline pricing lines.

 

Here is how the conversation goes.

 

Customer:- How much is your paint?

 

Shopkeeper:- Well sir, that depends.

 

Customer:- Depends on what?

 

Shopkeeper:- On a lot of things actually.

 

Customer:- How about just giving me an average price?

 

Shopkeeper:- That’s too hard a question – the lowest price is $9.00 a litre and we have 150 different pries up to $200 per litre.

 

Customer:- What’s the difference in the paint?

 

Shopkeeper:- There isn’t any – it’s all the same paint.

 

Customer:- Then I’d like some of  the $9 paint.

 

Shopkeeper:- Well, first I need to ask you a few questions.  When do you intend to use it?

 

Customer:- I want to paint tomorrow on my day off.

 

Shopkeeper:- Sorry sir, the paint for tomorrow is the  $200 paint.

 

Customer:- What?  When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 paint?

 

Shopkeeper:- That would be in 3 weeks, but you’d also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

 

Customer:- You’ve GOT to be kidding!

 

Shopkeeper:- Sir we do not kid around here>  Of course I’ll have to check to see whether we’ve got any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.

 

Customer:- What do you mean “Check to see whether you can sell it to me”?  You’ve got shelves full of the stuff, I can see it right there!!!

 

Shopkeeper:- Sir, just because you see it, doesn’t mean we have it!  It may be the same paint but we only sell a certain number of litres on any given weekend.  Oh and by the way the price has just gone up to $12.00

 

Customer:- What do you mean?  You’re telling me the price just went up while we were talking?

 

Shopkeeper:- Yes sir.  You see, we change the prices and the rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven’t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we’ve just decided to change.  Unless you want something to happen again, I would suggest you get on with your purchase.  How many litres do you want?

 

Customer:- I don’ know exactly, maybe 20 litres.  Make it 24 litres just to make sure I have enough.

 

Shopkeeper:- No Sir, you can’t do that. If you buy the paint and then do not use it you’ll be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

 

Customer:- I don’t believe it!?!?!?!

 

Shopkeeper:- That’s right.  We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and front bedroom, but if you stop before the bedroom you are in violation of our tariffs.

 

Customer:- What does it matter   to you whether I use all the paint?  I’ve already paid for it!

 

Shopkeeper- Sit, there is no point in getting upset.  That’s just the way it is.  We make plans based on the idea that you’ll use all the paint and when you don’t, it just causes us all sorts of problems.

 

Customer:- That’s crazy.  Is suppose something terrible will happen if I don’t keep painting until after Saturday night.

 

Shopkeeper:- You’re dead right.

 

Customer:- Well that does it!  I’m going somewhere else to buy my paint.

 

Shopkeeper:- That won’t do you any good sir.  We all have the same rules!

 

So why aren’t we up in arms about this nonsense